An Adviceless Baldy
by videl654
Summary: Four instances where Krillin asks for advice on getting girlfriends. Three of which turn out horrible. Takes place during the three year wait for the androids. Oneshot


**I happen to like the minor characters of DBZ more than the main characters. I don't know why. Anyway, this was just a short oneshot I did. I'm not good at humor but I hope I at least made you smile. Enjoy!**

 **The Two Perverts**

"Cmon, Krillin," a not quite nasally voice urged the bald one. "If there's any chance of you gettin' a girlfriend, it's now!" The owner of the voice belonged to a short pig with blue thin-strapped overalls and a sleeveless white shirt. His small fists were balled up, determined to make his friend search for a partner.

An old man who was wearing a Hawaiian shirt and gray shorts, previously reading rather risqué magazines, appeared behind the pig. "Yeah, Krillin! It's now or never!"

Krillin scratched the back of his bald head in embarrassment. He was in his mid-20s, yet he never score with a girl before. In fact, the closest he got to seeing a girls panties in person was with Bulma.

 _Come to think of it, the only girl I've seen naked up close was Bulma..._

Krillin's cheeks flushed as he remembered what he did to help Yamcha defeat the Invisible Man in the times when he first met Goku and the gang. Bulma wasn't completely naked, but he got a look at her breasts. Along with a swift knock on the head.

"I'm kinda... nervous. I-I mean, I've never had a girlfriend before. I don't wanna mess things up, either..." Krillin twiddled his thumbs and looked up at the two nervously.

Master Roshi patted Krillin on the back. "Don't worry. Ol' Roshi's still got his charms. We'll help ya, right Oolong?"

Oolong looked at Roshi with a disbelieving look. "The only 'help' you'll give is scarin' the ladies. You're nothing but a perverted old man, and you know it." Oolong shifted his body, and several playboy magazines fell from his shirt.

"Ack!" The pig quickly picked them back up. Unfortunately, Roshi saw the whole thing.

"Why you dirty pig!" The old master's sunglasses shimmered as he chased Oolong out the lone house.

"Gimme back my magazines!" He commanded while running after him.

"Are you kiddin'?! This is the newest issue!" Oolong objected.

Krillin looked at them run in circles and shook his head. He hovered in the air, about to leave. "Note to self: Never look for advice in two perverts..." He said before flying off.

 **The Lone Wolf**

Krillin flew to Capsule Corporation to find advice from Bulma. After all, it seemed logical, since she was a girl. The earthling prepared himself for taunting and constant use of the word 'pervert'. And most of all, he prepared for Vegeta.

As soon as he landed outside the compound, he spotted a familiar scar-faced comrade, talking to Mrs. Briefs. "Hey, Krillin!", the man beckoned.

"Why, if it isn't Yamcha! Long time no see!" He walked up to Yamcha and shook hands. Mrs. Briefs greeted him as well.

"Why, hi sweetie! What brings you here on such a lovely day~?", the woman chirped. She poured some water on a bed of roses.

Krillin blushed, embarrassed by the answer to that question. But this might as well be practice for when he asks a girl out.

"You wanna go out?" He blurted. He immediately put two hands over his mouth as Mrs. Briefs eyes opened, a rare occurrence, and Yamcha stood there, mouth agape and dumbfounded. Krillin panicked. _I gotta stop thinking out loud..._

"But, Krillin, honey! I'm a married woman!", she giggled, eyes shut once more.

"I didn't know you liked older women, Krillin...", he muttered.

"TH-THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!" Krillin was no Shakespeare with words, but that was plain embarrassing... He then explained to Yamcha and his could-have-been-mother-in-law about the whole situation.

Yamcha let out a sly smile. "'Cuse us, Mrs. Briefs. I think this is a man-to-man situation on our hands." He put a hand on Krillin's shoulder and sauntered away from the flower beds Mrs. Briefs was watering.

"What a brave man!" She hummed.

Krillin looked up at Yamcha in confusion. "Don't tell me you're going to give me advice?", he clarified. Yamcha laughed. He patted him on the head.

"My man, Krillin. When will you ever learn _I'm_ the true chick magnet? I don't even know why you came to those two perverts first!" Yamcha shrugged, keeping that confident smile on his face.

"Listen, all you have to do, is get a nice car, some nice clothes," Yamcha knocked on Krillin's head as if it were a door, which visibly annoyed the shorter human, "and maybe get a full head of hair?"

Krillin scratched his head. "Are you sure it'll work?" Krillin had his doubts of Yamcha when it came to girls. For good reasons, too.

Yamcha sighed. "Krillin, why don't you believe I can attract girls?" He still kept his confident smirk and laughed in 'triumph' when Krillin took long to answer. Meanwhile, Krillin raised a fist up in front of his face.

"Sorry if this hurts your feelings, so I'll use one person as an example.", he began. "So, Bulma left you three, four times," Krillin put up his index finger. "then, she married the man who assisted in killing most of her friends, including you..." Krillin put two more fingers up. That one deserved two points.

"Uh, K-Krillin...", Yamcha stuttered, confident smirk wiped clean off his face.

"Then they had a KID together, so that's, like, three points." He raised the last three of his fingers. "Should I go on?" He looked at Yamcha, who looked like he just lost the Dragonballs.

Yamcha said nothing, Krillin said nothing, and awkward silence was achieved.

"The door's over there..."

 **The Prince and Princess**

After the life reflection with Yamcha, Krillin still found himself looking for advice. "Well, here goes!" He knocked at the door. Immediately, a chill ran down his spine when he saw who opened it.

"What do you want, Baldy?" The unmistakable Saiyan prince glared down at the feeble human. His arms were crossed, impatiently waiting for an answer.

"Ah..ah... V-Vegeta... I-I thought you wer— **SLAM**!" And Krillin was now talking to the door. He groaned. He was about to fly away when he heard bickering seconds before the door opened yet again. Krillin turned around to see a familiar blue-haired scientist.

"Bulma!", he said in delight. Finally, he would get the advice he needed!

Bulma smiled. "Hey, Krillin. Sorry about Vegeta." She turned around to glare, then immediately turned back and smiled. "Cmon in! But, uh, don't be too loud. You might wake Trunks...", she whispered. Krillin nodded and entered the complex. Bulma slowly shut the door before plopping herself on a couch.

"So, what brings you here today?", she asked. Clattering of dishes and refrigerators opening and closing could be heard in the background, presumably Vegeta's Saiyan hunger in play. Bulma rolled her eyes. "It's like he's _trying_ to wake him up..." she muttered.

Krillin then explained the situation. "Things aren't going so well, Bulma... Oolong and Master Roshi only cared about those magazines, I left Yamcha is a temporary depression, and I still haven't had any advice!"

Bulma crossed her arms. "Serves that jerk right! That's what he gets for cheating on me all those times!" She crossed her arms and turned her head. It seemed the genius only heard 'Yamcha' and 'temporary depression'.

Krillin furrowed his brows. "Bulma! Are you even listening? I need advice!"

"Here's some advice," a familiar dark tone interjected. Vegeta sauntered into the room and stood in front of Krillin.

"Quit trying. You'll never get one." He said with a cold smirk.

"VEGETA!" Bulma exclaimed.

As if on cue, crying erupted.

"Damn it, Vegeta! Look what you made me do! Sorry, Krillin, gotta jet!" Bulma ran towards the nursery in an attempt to calm her baby boy.

Vegeta snickered. "And since your search is over," a once amused grin turned into a sinister glare, frown included, " **get out of my house**..." he growled, his face coming closer to Krillin's.

"Ehehehe..." With a nervous laugh, and Vegeta's incoming wrath, Krillin ran out the house with a speed that could rival Goku's Instant Transmission technique.

Vegeta then approached his gravity room, secretly wondering how a human could be so fast.

"What a nuisance."

 **The Naive Genius**

Krillin panted heavily. Adviceless, along with a newfound fear of Vegeta, Krillin flew to the last place he could go: his trusted friend, Goku. Besides, it was the farthest place away from Vegeta he could think of.

"I don't know how Goku would know about this stuff, since the only reason for him getting married was 'cus he didn't even know the difference between a boy and a girl..." Krillin on the other hand, had perfect knowledge of the difference, and was still not married.

He arrived at the small house, with Goku waiting and waving for him at the door. _He probably sensed my ki..._

"Hey, Krillin!", the happy-go-lucky man greeted. He had a childish grin on his face. Same one as always.

"Hehe. Hey, Goku. How's it been!" Krillin tried his absolute best to mask his lingering fear of Vegeta's cold warning.

"Listen, there's something I need to ask you..."

"First, come inside! Chi-Chi's at the store, but Gohan's inside studying!"

Krillin agreed and they both sat at the dinner table. Gohan was also sitting at the table. "Hi, Krillin!" He waved. Just like his dad.

"Now, let me read your mind. It's what I did on Namek, remember?" Goku placed a hand on Krillin head. He slightly rubbed his hand on it.

"Uh, Goku... What are you doing?", he asked nervously.

"There's not a single hair on here! Man, Krillin, how do you do it? I never noticed until now.", he said in wonder. Gohan, too, looked at his head in wonder.

"Goku!" The taller man snapped out of his trance and read his mind.

"Ah, I see... It is to be expected from Oolong and Master Roshi. That wasn't very nice what you did to Yamcha, though. And Vegeta... Well, that sent shivers down my spine, too."

Krillin nodded. "Do you have any advice, Goku?"

The Saiyan closed his eyes in thought. He put his index finger on his chin. His eyes snapped open, as if realization.

"That's easy, Krillin!", he assured.

"Really?!"

"Yeah. Just be yourself!"

Wow... Be himself? It was so simple, but at the same time, so right. All this, just for two words. Krillin sighed.

His thoughts were then interrupted by a hand on his head, once again. His eyebrows twitched in annoyance.

Krillin went through a lot of things, being murdered twice, being beaten half to death constantly, and teased by his enemies for being weak. But nothing annoyed him, nothing irritated him more than someone touching his head.

"Goku. Get off me."


End file.
